It’s always been all of nothing with me. There is no emotion I have gone through that wasn’t right on my face. Literally, I CANNOT HIDE IT. But I’ve tried.
For the last couple years I have tried my hardest to hide all these emotions, fears and doubts. I pretended to be “ok” with the fact that a treatment that cost us hundreds did not work. I pretended that my world didn’t crash when my pregnancy test read negative. I let it seem as though Aaron and I were just waiting for the right time when people asked at work, “When are you two having kids?” I smiled when I wanted to cry. I found myself falling into this hole where it was my normal to just be “ok.”
I wanted to be great, I wanted to glow, I wanted what seemed to be so easy for others to be easy for me.
“Take a vacation.”
” Just stop trying.”
“It will happen when you least expect it.”
All of those things that people say to you when they know what’s really going on.
I feel every emotion. Every emotion, every day. Every wave. All of it it, always.
Just now.. from writing those emotions down, answering those questions I get daily with the truth and accepting those waves emotions do I feel like I am great. I feel like I’m not just “ok.” I am glowing, by the grace of God I am so great.
It’s always all or nothing.. I am going to dive right into being “more than ok.”